______________*[[_____ im not perfect. - but neither are you (: //*`____

`` its my lifee. [#] `-

Friday, December 15, 2006

oh well oh well... been really really really long that i didnt blog. And guess what? i forgot everything of it, my id user , my password, waited like 15 mins for them to send to my email to retrieve it back.. well, nvm, i am back, maybe not for long... haha.

ok, what i should write? really no ideal. hmm... i am working, very busy. busy working, and yet working not busy. guess it's in parable, well... i am working in tuas, as an engineering assistant now. Hmm.. actually it's not bad la, like the job scope and environment though, but the people there abit hmm... dun wan say much, ok is ok, jus that they like to gossipe which i really dun wan to get involve, that's why sort of.. but overall it's ok la, i jus wan to be more quiet over there, do my work and that's all.. Very typical working people, wah.. hate it ! No choice.

Well.. also get to meet nice people there, crappy and nice, very friendly. Esp night shift people, got alot of activities to join one, but i always too tired for that. Guess i am too old already,after work sure cheong go back to sleep. But working night shift quite good, get to slack alot, but sometime find that i got nothing to do can be quite boring also. See, who get to complain that working can slack and still boring, (raise hand) let me be the first . hee... crappy me.

And recently very .... (mean really dot dot dot), dunno what happen to me, suddenly very very down, alot of things to say, really alot, but dunno how to say and to who to say. The world seem very very black to me, very very alien to me. Suddenly turn around me, all my fren like dissapearing, very scary. Guess been working alot, no time to catch up with my fren, that's why i wan go out also dunno who to find. This can be indeed very sad. Ask me who are thoese ppl i usually hang up with? ( i will give you this stun look and smile!) totally ignore such a question. Ask me what kind of person i am? let me tell you, i myself dunno. It's been such a long time i ever wan to go for holiday, i wan to rest. i wan to stay out of the world. i wan to sleep and dun think of anything. i wan to scream. i wan to jump. i wan a breakthrough. Very urgent. ... ... ...

Very general general intro about me,the inner thought of me dun wish to say. Too complicated. Too lengthy. Too lazy. Well fren, call me out some day to go out. i really need that.

I need a break.

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
8:27 AM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Wah.... if u dunno the word being "so long", this is a very good illustration of not blogging for long enough. The reason why I blog is actually, err.. ah.. hmm.. I got nothing to do lah, haha... shh.. I am working, yes I am. But my work is like, nothing to do one loh, can sit in and msn, dunno why they pay me to come here and do nothing, ya.. it's indeed weird.
Well...These period of times that I didn't blog, actually a lot of this happen, which is good, cos if nothing is happening means something is indeed very wrong.. haha.. am I too crappy already, I guess so bah... Oh, where am i? yes, a lot of things happened. Ok, I graduated already, so ya, been looking for a full time job until now, no news. I went for an interview in the airforce, yes. AIRFORCE!!! Dun ask me again: "why you wan to sign on?" cos everytime I tell my frenz I going into airforce, their first reaction!!! Yes, what's wrong if I sign on, really that bad meh? Ask them then they say slack. Slack not good meh? Sign on is also 3 years only mah... hai... ya, even went to Napfa and medical check up, but really no news from them. Well.. think gonna keep on waiting.. See if I have the time to update all of you here when I can get in...
But I wonder who comes in and read ah? If so please tag leh.. can revive my blog anot, dun think revive also got use, seldom have the time to blog, almost forgot I have the blog to read neh… when I start to read all my previous post, was like, hey.. That's what I felt that time, but I moved on… it's really good when u look back and see urself going into another level, adapting to another different level… yeah…
What else, do u feel that I already lost my momentum to blog, lesser and lesser thing to say and excite all of you here, dun think anyone comes in and read. Good!!! Then I end here ok... hope to see you guys ard soon.

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
1:30 PM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Too many things to blog for this moment, nothing is for me to worry because i have lifted up unto God, and i know He had taken care of. No worries. Hate the mirror!!!!!!!!! Everytime i look at the mirror and i jus dun wish to glance in the second time, can you imagine how terrible can it be. I dun want to tell people about it, i dun wan them to see me as a different world person. Why always me? Becasue it always me that my life is in the good will of God and attracts the devil?it must be.... first had dengue fever, and then followed by this stupid chicken pox. hey, had enough of it already, i dun want anymore!! pls pls.... Bad things do happen to good people.

Now gonna stay home for 2 weeks, anywhere also cannot go.... How terrible it is, cannot go for service, cannot go for ushering , cannot go to school to do proj.Now i have the whole time in the world to do what i always want to do AT HOME. =(..... Life is so miserable when my food also kena restricted. Not this, Not that. ..... yucks.... Everybod see this gonna pray for me, especially pray that i wont have scar on my face and also my proj.

I still have alot of things to say, just not in the mood to blog. I hate medicine that will cause drowsiness, i dun wan to sleep, it make me so uncomfortable, but i am very sleepy... and i need alot of rest.

It gonna be alright, i've got jesus with me.

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
4:48 PM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Whoa...What a great service indeed. Candle light service; very beautiful. Pastor was preaching about every single one's light within itself to shine. The darker the place, the brighter it gonna shine...Yeah... Light gives vision. Show direction clearly…When everyone start lighting the candles, it was sparkling, it was the togetherness of candles that light up that gives the place the glory. It is when everyone begin to shines the light of God, it is then beautiful in the eyes of God. It is easy for one person to shines, but as a whole exceed, it is then a miracles to the world. The key is the "togetherness". Everyone say "together".

While I was ushering, not really ushering. Was doing internal traffic, actually not much of doing work there, maybe jus help guarding the flow, hai ya, also dun no what I am doing down there...Quite like feel I am doing nothing where there is already a lot of ushers down there. Dun no why, after moving to expo, suddenly feel that been slacking cos didn't really know what to do during ushering, no longer instructions is been told to me to guard. I am so lost. Sometimes gonna stand up to be the one who really need to do something about the situation, wanna know what is going on in the comm. set holders,so that able to do the right thing at the right time, but they are too busy "comm."ing or I might not have the authority to know, I dun no. It's been really a stretch to know certain thing and dunno certain things, taking up responsibility and yet the responsibility is take up by others already. Or I should say I might not reach the certain level of communication yet. So confusing, I dun no. But thanks to xinlian over the msn, really so so so blessed to have her around, she is always so encouraging, so spiritual. It's her that make me staying positive mindset always, it's a thousand words to express my gratitude. Really need to change my mind set upon ushering, I dun wan to bring this spirit to my team. Already a lot of my team mates not doing well, but not gonna be defeats by that. Problems are something that assures me I am in the right path of God ways to lead me. Problems are always there, because my life is attracted to devil. I am gonna learn how to lead, not me, but let God be the leader instead.

I feel there is no point arguing who's right and who's wrong. It's the matter of the reason or purpose behind the thing u says or u does. It may seem chim at this point, haha.. it really need revelation to understand what I am trying to point out . XinLian told me, it is the passion sis Beatrice carries that brings her until now.

Alrite, Christmas is next week... What should I say?Oh.. Merry Christmas. Come to my mind is really bringing the lost souls in? then my next question:"then ushering how?" Hai ya...Busy ushering? Then my frenz how? Hai ya...My primary purpose is to bring my frenz lah… been busy ushering for the past few Christmas, and didn't really focus to bring my frenz in…. guilty? Somehow. That shouldn't be the way either, cos bring frenz is not for personal glory, but do u have the passion to see them get save? Yes I have. Then it's not ur work but God's work. I wanna let God lead me to what He wants me to do.

My title for today's blogging: Passion. Purpose. You.

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
12:42 AM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)

Monday, December 12, 2005

It had been a long weekend. Yes, moved to expo. What should I say? Excited? Because it's a greater height and definitely God is moving us into greater thing He want to revealed to us. Yes, it’s indeed a great great service for the first time. Such a big hall and yet the presence of God is even stronger, I cant denied but to admit His presence is even with us when I was in Echo terrace, Yes. The most right zone and I were impacted there. I am excited. Yes I am. Taking new team, having to meet new teammates, getting used to different style of managing things. Must really learn to be flexible. Yup, indeed this is what within every ushers, it's flexibility. I am impressed by it. Still have a lot to learn, a lot that I dunno. Indeed the sermon that Pastor Kong preached is for me. Not fear, because fear is only weapon devil's use to make us feel that we are lousy, but be confident, try out that u never know u can actually manages it. Have faith to trust in Him. My Msn nick:"When i cant His hands, i just trust Him to lead..." I dun wan to let my Fear to hinder my movement that God want to use me in. Be it in ministry or my personal evangelist. Let faith takes over my fear, I pray... Fear to lead, Fear to speak, Fear of being persecute, Fear of my future, Fear to being 1 who stand up for righteousness, I bind you in Jesus' name. Get out of my life!

Well... Love my usher mates, went to play pool with them on Sunday. Having really great time to fellowship. Enjoyed every moment. This is the time I feel where people gather not because gather, but gather together because we love each other's presence, in their own accord, and I find it's so true and so wonderful.. I get to know them better, not in ministry only, but as part of my life in ushering. This is what that wont makes ministry a ministry, but a ministry can be fun serving together, having to meet people, but of cause this doesn't make us decrease our focus on serving our God and His people. But getting to know people who can be with you while we serve, don't you think it's wonderful?

What else? Oh yes, this is my last week of having my attachments. I miss my colleagues, dun bear to leave them.. Very fast will be back in school doing my proj, hoping I wont get a proj tat required programming, it's simply too challenging for me. Pray pray. Alright, and yes, means I am graduating, and yes means going to be in workplace very very soon. Don't think I wan to get to Uni, when I prayed God jus didn't showed me. I also finds I am not into Uni first. Not ready, not prepared. Tired to study le, not I hate studying, I love to study, jus I think I need a break. My parent too, now my 2 sis is in Poly, needs to wait until we have the financial to support me to go Uni, if not she will get physically and emotionally wear out. I love to go Uni if I got the chance, but is another thing whether it is God's plan for me to be in. I want to be where He wants me to be and not what I want to. He is in a better position to see the whole pictures of life. Yup yup.

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
11:05 AM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Just want to share a testimonial of mine. Joy of the Lord is meant for spreading, and I want all of u to know.
this is about yesterday matters with my mum. My mum was in a bad mood after she came back from work. Because she was in a bad mood, she scolds me over those trivial matters. As usual, I never took my dinner, she scold me for that. And yesterday I was busy in my office during my attachment ,she scold so I never pick up her call, but usually I will pick up one. So she keep nagging me about my hp bill so high and not picking up her call, and talks about whatever unrelated matters to make things seems she is at the losing end. I mean, I really felt unfair to me loh,so unfair that she accuse me the thing i dun intend to do, so I so yelled back. But i regret it after that.After shouting at her, I really really felt so bad about it, so I went in to my dad's room and wanting to pray. It seem not to able focus as she keep nagging loudly, scolding and shouting. After sometimes of no reply from me, she bangs on the door and asks me to come out as she wan to vacuum the floor.Is like, i never go and argue already, even praying she dun allows. This tells me ,wherever u are ,devil knows.Even at time I want to pray most and I am unable. Continue, she shout and me, she scolds me for attending church, she scolds me that church taught me not to love parents. She blame God, she blame me. For so many times I wanted to shout back, so many times I want yell and vent my anger. but i didnt,and so i took my bible and went to my bed, I try to talk her nicely that whatever things she say about church was not true. Instead of listening, she scolds even more and louder. I understand my mum;s attitude, she is always like that, she is always stubborn. She dun litern to others but only hope we listern her only. Isnt it selfish?I cried and cried and ask God what should do; I cried at my bed, I seek God for help. At that time, it was my most difficult times for me, in my heart so many things to say, so many things I wan to tell Him, so many things I wan my mum to understand, but I cant express it. All I feel that time was to shout back and let her know how much i want her to know, but I know it will just worsen things out. I cried and cried, feeling really hopeless. Crying is all I can think of. And just God comes into mind: " You need to let your flesh dies a thousand times, remember?" this is what pastor Kong preach abt it on tue tabernacle bs, of cos i remeber. It was indeed so tough, letting my pride die, letting my attitude die, letting the whole of me die, and submit into His authority. "Don't u trust Me, don't u make a decision yesterday?"Words cant express how much it is so difficult. All my spirit is willing, lnow excactly what is the right thing to do. But jus knowing is not enough, u got to put it in action. It is easier said then done, my flesh is weakAll I do is cry, I tell myself I must make it this time. I must, if i told Him i have faith, then my flesh is been crucified, and my spirit guides me.I try to talks to my mum again nicely about the way she says it's not true.
I tell her attending church is good as they teach me good principle,it is not what as she says, and what as she thinks. I chose to follow Jesus, because I did what I believe. I really stand strong on what I said because i wan to let her know i am serious.And I can feel she knows. Every times she shout, I answer back in the nicest manner that I know how. Every time I think if God is here, what He will do. I tried and I tried. I keep telling myself to let my flesh die, and let it dies, and it dies and let it dies. It is so tough, so tough, and so tough.It's tough indeed, but I chose to believe, I control my temper and control myself from shouting. I know I won in some way, because the louder she gets, the softer I am. Eventually she get tired of shouting, and followed by silence from her. I prayed in my heart again. I tell God, whatever it is, I will stand strong, I want to stand strong. I know God put in me this situation because He knows I have the ability to overcome it. I know God me put through it, because He wants to test my faith. At least I know, my life is still attracted by the devil. I praise God in my heart.
After some times, my mum comes into my room and brings me a drink. She smiled. She never did that before. I cry again, I am so touch. She asks not to cry anymore, and ask me to go and have some food. Everything turns out to be so wonderful.I didnt expected somhow,but in some sense I expected because i prayed.I know its will not be the work of man, because yesterday I read the book of Proverbs. It says in pro 16:25, "there is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death." Man's work always end up in way of death, But God's work always bring glory. It is God's work definitely, because I know with my own strength I am not able does it. It must be Him. Praise to be His glory.After my drink, I went back my father's room to pray as I am sharing my room with my sis, and I scare she might wants to go in very often.So as I goes in, my mum asks me to go to my room because my dad's room is quite smelly. She asks me to pray in my room. (My mum knows I wan to pray, and she is open about it.) I smiled to her, and rejoice in my room secretly and indeed filled with the super real joy in me. Praise Praise to be His name. Indeed, problems draws us closer to Him and problems bring us to another level, it's a stepping-stone for us to reach His glory. Amen and Amen.

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
12:45 PM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I was just having a conversation with my cg member. She was having problem with her contact lenses in her eyes, so she need to take it out in order to prevent her eyes to itch. She went to see an eye specialist, he say that she had white spot in her eyes and advise her not to put on contact lenses for a while, if not she might get eye ulcer eventually. Then she asks me whether I have perfect eyesight (I do), and there we start this topic about "envies of the world."
I thought is a good topics to blog down .I got to admit I did envy my worldly friends about what they are desiring, it may be a great dream, having more time to study for exam and no need to go to church. Hey, of course I love to go to church. But I thought they are nothing to envy about as we are perusing the different things in life.. The way why others always complain that they aren't pretty or they are growing fatter, and I thought they already look great. I dun understand. Of course my member doesn't envy me for my perfect eyesight, because there is nothing to envy about it. Yes, indeed there is nothing to envy about what the world had. I went to the tabernacle bible study on Tuesday; I remember pastor told us, do not envy what the world is, for the world sees things in the natural ram. But we, having His spirit, can see through things in the supernatural ram. In the bible also says, things seem foolish in the eye of the world; it is a pleasing in God's eye. The world may not understand what we are doing, because they dun have the wisdom and the understanding from God. But we do, as Christian.
I also find that there is no end to envies. Like what I told her; Handicapped people envy the people who are able to lead a normal life; normal people envy those people who are born pretty; those people are already pretty longs to get even prettier; those people who are already pretty longs to get rich and richer… and there will be a never ending story. I wonder if people can have the every thing they want, will they want to be like God? How ridiculous.... my member told me: "well, for human nature they are just not satisfied with what they have, that's why we have emptiness. So we shouldn't envy them, since we have the greatest gift of all, that is the gift of salvation."
I totally agree with it.
Envies can't bring God's blessing in our life. Everyone does envy, or I should use the word almost. I was but not anymore. I always ask God why I end up in this situation, looking up to my friends and envy what they had and I don't. People tend to look at what others have and what others opinion; the dish in front of others always seems to be more delicious then what u had.
Envy brings us to no where. Only look at what u had, and not what u dun has. And using what u had to bring out the things u need, we call this "creative". Isn't this what pastor kong is always emphasizing. Envies bring more harm than good.
I make a decision.Not to envy, but to believe. Believe God able to use what i have,to bring the best out of me. No matter how good others worldly people may seem to be, how happy or fortunate they are. They wont have the inner joy that we are having. Because Happy is one who Lord is God! God created me just the way I am. I am letting you to envy me, u worldly world.
Have you found the real happiness my friend?

[x] im not perfect either ((://*
6:00 PM

angeliciouss `- //* 0=)